If I showed you a line and asked which of three other lines were the same length, there is a high probability you would choose the correct answer.
Now imagine I put several other people in the room with you, asked the same question, and everyone in the group gave the exact same answer, which was different than yours. Would you change your answer?
Psychology is the study of human behavior. Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs helps understand human motivation. At the base level are the needs for survival and safety. Following this is the need for love and belonging.
Solomon Asch’s social conformity experiments found people will align with the group even when it is against their beliefs, values, and knowledge. In the line example at the beginning, Asch found individuals will give one (right) answer on their own, yet change their answer to avoid rejection and being left out of the group.
The need to fit in and be accepted by others is a powerful human drive.
It explains the motivation and responses behind peer pressure. We all have peers. Peers are people of similar age and social grouping. Peer pressure is feeling pushed to do the same things as peers to be liked and accepted. Young children seek to please their parents, which is where love and belonging are focused.
As children age, peer connections and a desire to belong to a larger community increases in importance. With the desire comes pressure to conform. While adults have had years to develop the confidence to resist pressure (which doesn’t mean we are always successful), it’s much harder for children who are new to this.
Negative peer pressure is when someone within your peer group encourages you to do something negative and that you might not do on your own. For children, examples include breaking rules, bullying, cheating, spending money they don’t have, feeling they have to look the same as the group, and maybe even using substances.
The effects of negative peer pressure can be long-lasting. Self-esteem suffers from constant comparison with others and trying to be part of something unhealthy.
If a child is always giving in to the pressure and struggling to resist, their confidence suffers and their individuality is compromised. Trying to keep up with group expectations can lead to anxiety and depression. Children who align more with peers than family begin to feel distant from those with values that differ from the peer group.
Getting into trouble and being pushed to engage in risky behaviors can have long-standing impacts. School becomes secondary to group conformity and grades may suffer.
While we often think of peer pressure as negative, it can also be positive.
Positive peer pressure is when you are being encouraged by those in your peer group to be your best self. Examples of positive peer pressure for children include working to get better grades, practicing more to move up on a team, eating healthier, and/or taking on a leadership role.
There are benefits to positive peer conformity including lasting friendships, examples of healthy behaviors and habits, learning social skills and how to communicate better, meeting new people, good decision-making skills, motivation to participate in sports and study, supportive reassurance when feeling down, and opening up new experiences.
Children with good self-esteem and who feel cared for are less likely to be negatively influenced by others. You can build your child’s self-esteem by focusing on their positive behaviors, encouraging positive self-talk, and providing opportunities for success. Other ways to help combat negative peer pressure are:
- Be attentive, take time, and really listen to your child.
- Pay attention to your child’s behavior and emotions.
- Help your child identify their feelings. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
- Be involved in your child’s life. Know their friends and how they feel about school.
- Keep an eye on your child’s social media.
- Help your child identify what makes a good friend and how to connect with them.
- Increased group involvement (school, sports, activities) makes resisting pressure in one group easier.
- Make up an excuse (“My parents won’t let me”; “We have a family thing I have to go to”).
- Practice resisting through role play. Help your child find the words they need to resist pressure.
- Come up with a code word or phrase your child can use when they need you to come get them out of an uncomfortable situation (“Pizza sounds good”).
- Encourage friendships with those who have similar values and beliefs. Saying ‘no’ with others is easier than saying it alone.
We are role models for our children. If we are unable to resist pressure from outside forces, how can we expect our children to learn? So back to the beginning. I ask again, would you change your answer?
